POP LO!

Yeah I realised that I haven't been posting here for quite some time. Couple of things happened, finally finished 3 months of training at tekong, and now i'm just waiting for my posting to be available on friday.

Something that i wrote when i was bored.


Flight.

I stared into the clear sky while thinking to myself; “How ironic. This is just pathetic.”
The sky couldn’t be a better indicator of how I felt my life was. Turns out it really couldn’t at all.
A gentle gush of wind blows straight into my face. The wind howls past my ears as if trying to whisper something into my ear; but I cannot make out what it is trying to say. If I had to use a word to describle the voice of the wind at that exact moment, it would be panic. I’ve had enough.
The wind stops, as if rhythmically to allow a moment for me to think about what to do next. I close my eyes. “ Are you holding your breath, eagerly waiting for my next action?” I think to myself.


I take a deep breath in and open my eyes. The wind comes back, even stronger this time.
“I guess now you just want me to do it huh?” The wind was irritating. Ignoring it, I place both my hands on the cold metal rod in front of me. I started to breathe through my mouth to find a suitable pace to breathe at, preparing myself for it.


In one instant, I pushed my body up using my hands and kicked my right foot over the railing. My hands started to shake as I felt myself getting unbalanced and my eyes opened wider. Soon I was able to get my other leg over and I found myself sitting on the railing. “Now I’m ready.” I thought to myself. At least I thought so.


My hands continued to hold on to the railings despite them starting to sweat profusely. I pretended not to notice and focused on what I had to do next. Inch by inch I lifted my body up a little so my bottom would move further and further away from the railing. I couldn’t keep my eyes focused anymore. I started to look around, look behind me, as if there were someone behind me, watching my every move. I felt like a criminal just about to commit another crime. My eyes were darting everywhere, everywhere but down. I knew I couldn’t continue if I looked down. I looked up again. What a clear sky. How ironic.


The trembling in my hands subsided. However my bottom was starting to go numb at this point. My elbows bent a little, as if storing energy for one last push. I took another deep breath. I tried to put my feet near the wall so I could use them to propel myself further away as well.
“I hope I have another great life” I said to myself, and pushed myself off. Or at least that was what I would have done. I….


I couldn’t hold my pen any longer. The shaking in my hands was getting worse and I could feel my vision getting blurry. There was an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and I felt it gnaw its way up my throat and to my mouth. My guts felt like they were tying themselves up and I felt an immerse pain in my body.


I saw a white light and thought to myself for the last time;
“I was always too much of a coward to die by jumping off a building.” before falling to the ground and laying there motionless, undignified as vomit and foam started to pour out of my mouth.


I didn’t want to live this life either way.